The Wife's Role in Marriage
Ok wives, it's our turn to see what God has to say about our role in our marriage. Yesterday we looked at what God expects our husbands to do, so today we are going to look into what He expects from us. These key factors can be marriage-changing if we follow God's plan:) Here we go!
These notes were adapted from Faith Biblical Counseling Ministries. You can access the original notes here.
Three words that describe the Wife's role:
1. Submission: Many people hate this word BUT that's because our world twists it way out of context. Here are some WRONG ideas about submission:
A. The wife is inferior- 1 Peter 3:7--"Husbands in the same way, live with your wives with understanding of their weaker nature yet showing them honor as co-heirs of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered." Galations 3:28--"There is no Jew or Greek, slave or free, male or female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus." SO, wives, submission DOES NOT mean that we are inferior to our husbands.
B. That the husband is infallible- Romans 13:1--"Everyone must submit to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except from God, and those that exist are instituted by God." We all have to submit to God...none of us are above mistakes or perfect. Romans 3:10 says "As it is written, there is none righteous, not even one..." So being submissive DOES NOT mean that your husband is always right and without mistakes.
C. The the wife cannot think and should not speak- Ephesians 4:15-16--"But speaking the truth in love, let us grow in every way into Him who is the head-Christ. From Him the whole body, fitted and knit together by every supporting ligament, promote the growth of the body for building itself in love by the proper working of each individual part." So wives, we SHOULD speak the truth in love. Our husbands need us to be a vital part of our marriage to support its growth!
D. That a wife has no influence- 1 Peter 3:1-2--"Wives, in the same way, submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, even if some disobey the Christian message, they may be won over without a message by the way their wives live, when they observe your pure, reverent lives." Wow! That's a tall order to fill. Basically, we have a HUGE influence on our husbands, such that they could come to know Christ just by watching and living with us!!! Even without any words! Ladies, we have a major influence!
BIBLICAL teachings about submission:
A. It is God's plan for function and order. So ladies, here is how I look at it. Our husbands need us to speak the truth in love and be a pure, reverent wife. Which means we can give our opinions on things, tell them what the Lord has shown us, guide them toward what is pleasing to God...but ultimately, they are responsible for being the HEAD of the house. That means God will judge THEM for the decisions they make (good or bad) that effect your family. So they need to have the last word, so to speak.
B. It is a military term to voluntarily arrange yourself in rank under. 1 Peter 5:5-6--"Likewise, you younger men, be subject to the elders. And all of you clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble. Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, so that He may exalt you in due time..."
C. It is a way of life for ALL believers. Romans 13:1--"Everyone must submit to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except from God, and those that exist are instituted by God." We all have to submit to authorities, in this case, our husband is the final authority.
D. It is an attitude toward God. Ephesians 5:22--"Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife as also Christ is the head of the church." So if we don't submit to our husbands in these ways, we are sinning. There is no way around it. God commanded us to do it, so if we don't, we are basically telling God that we don't care what He says. Not a smart move.
E. It is proof of your love for your husband and God. 1John 5:3--"For this is what love for God is: to keep His commands..." John 14:15--"If you love Me, you will keep my commandments."
A perfect picture of submission demonstrated by Christ is in Philippians 2:5-9. Look it up!
A wife must choose between: Being Christlike or being like satan. Being obedient or disobedient. Growing or not growing.
2. A Fitting Helper: NO ONE CAN COMPLETE OR CONTRIBUTE AS THE WIFE CAN. So here are some ways that we can be a fitting helper for our husbands.
A. Companion-be your husband's best friend. Yes it is FINE for them to have guy friends, just like it is us...but when it comes to sharing dreams, goals, and fears, your husband should be able to count on you.
B. Emotionally- Ladies, we must be very careful not to satisfy our emotional desires any where but with our husbands. And we must make sure that they are able to fulfill their emotional needs in us. This is a huge part of a relationship for us. So make sure that we cultivate the relationship with our husband!
C. Physically- 1 Corinthians 7:3-5--"A husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise a wife to her husband. A wife does not have authority over her own body, but her husband does. Equally a husband does not have authority over his own body, but his wife does. Do not deprive one another,--except when you agree, for a time, to devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again; otherwise, Satan may tempt you because of your lack of self-control." So ladies, basically, we don't want our husbands to go somewhere else, or be tempted by someone else. And the Bible says it right here...they WILL be tempted if we deprive them. We are the ONLY ones that can have guilt-free sex with our husbands, and it is our duty to do that.
D. Spiritually- our spiritual walk is not to hinder our husbands, but to help grow and increase it. Just like the verse above ("they may be won over without a message by the way their wives live, when they observe your pure, reverent lives.") our husbands should grow in their relationship, just by watching ours.
E. Parentally- We as mothers have great influence on our children, but we should work as a team with our husbands. We should always be a united front, never undermining what our husbands do or say--especially in front of our children. Ladies, we are NOT teaching them how to be a Godly wife if we don't make our children listen to and respect their father's word and decisions. We will talk more about parenting in another post soon:)
F. Domestically- Wives bring depth and color into our homes. We are to keep it up, keep it clean, and make sure we are taking care of our home. That DOES NOT mean our husbands can't help us...but it is our duty as a wife.
G. Intellectually- We are our husband's greatest source of counsel. I believe that God gives women an intuition, a 6th sense if you will, that He does not give men. I'm not saying men are inferior, but I believe that God gave us this ability to be a helper for our husbands and family. Moms and wives just have a way of knowing things and seeing things that our husbands don't. Use it wisely ladies.
H. Ministry- If your husband is in the ministry, you are a vital part of that! Make sure you are being the wife God has called you to be so you don't hinder his ministry for the Lord.
3. Reverence: Ephesians 5:33--"The sum it up, each one of you is to love his wife as himself, and the wife is to respect her husband."
A. Definition of reverence- Respects, regards, notices, honors, prefers, venerates, esteems, praises, loves, and admires exceedingly.
B. A wife should reverence her husband and not try to change him
*Express thankfulness- men have the need to be needed and appreciated--make it evident that you are thankful for all he does and all he is
*Be satisfied despite circumstances- we all have different circumstances and lives- we must be content with what God has given us. We shouldn't worry about what others have because God can give and take away at any given moment.
*Be joyful in spite of emotions- True joy comes from our relationship with the Lord. We can not expect our husbands to provide the joy that only God can give us. Joy comes from within. When we have a true relationship with Jesus Christ, we should be joyous (remember true joy is not the same as happiness) no matter what our circumstances.
*Praise him when he does well- We should be our husbands biggest fan and loudest cheerleader. When he does something well, we should be the first to show him we are proud of him.
*Encourage him when he fails- Everyone needs an encourager, and we need to be our husbands. He should be able to come to us with failures and mistakes without fear of judgement. We need to be that person that lifts him up in prayer and in person!
REMEMBER: God has a plan for marriage and God's plan works! Love your husband as he is and Remember that you CHOSE him.
Here is a link to a list of practical ways you can show love to your husband everyday (from Faith Biblical Counseling Ministry). How to show love to your Husband
These notes were adapted from Faith Biblical Counseling Ministries. You can access the original notes here.
Three words that describe the Wife's role:
1. Submission: Many people hate this word BUT that's because our world twists it way out of context. Here are some WRONG ideas about submission:
A. The wife is inferior- 1 Peter 3:7--"Husbands in the same way, live with your wives with understanding of their weaker nature yet showing them honor as co-heirs of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered." Galations 3:28--"There is no Jew or Greek, slave or free, male or female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus." SO, wives, submission DOES NOT mean that we are inferior to our husbands.
B. That the husband is infallible- Romans 13:1--"Everyone must submit to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except from God, and those that exist are instituted by God." We all have to submit to God...none of us are above mistakes or perfect. Romans 3:10 says "As it is written, there is none righteous, not even one..." So being submissive DOES NOT mean that your husband is always right and without mistakes.
C. The the wife cannot think and should not speak- Ephesians 4:15-16--"But speaking the truth in love, let us grow in every way into Him who is the head-Christ. From Him the whole body, fitted and knit together by every supporting ligament, promote the growth of the body for building itself in love by the proper working of each individual part." So wives, we SHOULD speak the truth in love. Our husbands need us to be a vital part of our marriage to support its growth!
D. That a wife has no influence- 1 Peter 3:1-2--"Wives, in the same way, submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, even if some disobey the Christian message, they may be won over without a message by the way their wives live, when they observe your pure, reverent lives." Wow! That's a tall order to fill. Basically, we have a HUGE influence on our husbands, such that they could come to know Christ just by watching and living with us!!! Even without any words! Ladies, we have a major influence!
BIBLICAL teachings about submission:
A. It is God's plan for function and order. So ladies, here is how I look at it. Our husbands need us to speak the truth in love and be a pure, reverent wife. Which means we can give our opinions on things, tell them what the Lord has shown us, guide them toward what is pleasing to God...but ultimately, they are responsible for being the HEAD of the house. That means God will judge THEM for the decisions they make (good or bad) that effect your family. So they need to have the last word, so to speak.
B. It is a military term to voluntarily arrange yourself in rank under. 1 Peter 5:5-6--"Likewise, you younger men, be subject to the elders. And all of you clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble. Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, so that He may exalt you in due time..."
C. It is a way of life for ALL believers. Romans 13:1--"Everyone must submit to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except from God, and those that exist are instituted by God." We all have to submit to authorities, in this case, our husband is the final authority.
D. It is an attitude toward God. Ephesians 5:22--"Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife as also Christ is the head of the church." So if we don't submit to our husbands in these ways, we are sinning. There is no way around it. God commanded us to do it, so if we don't, we are basically telling God that we don't care what He says. Not a smart move.
E. It is proof of your love for your husband and God. 1John 5:3--"For this is what love for God is: to keep His commands..." John 14:15--"If you love Me, you will keep my commandments."
A perfect picture of submission demonstrated by Christ is in Philippians 2:5-9. Look it up!
A wife must choose between: Being Christlike or being like satan. Being obedient or disobedient. Growing or not growing.
2. A Fitting Helper: NO ONE CAN COMPLETE OR CONTRIBUTE AS THE WIFE CAN. So here are some ways that we can be a fitting helper for our husbands.
A. Companion-be your husband's best friend. Yes it is FINE for them to have guy friends, just like it is us...but when it comes to sharing dreams, goals, and fears, your husband should be able to count on you.
B. Emotionally- Ladies, we must be very careful not to satisfy our emotional desires any where but with our husbands. And we must make sure that they are able to fulfill their emotional needs in us. This is a huge part of a relationship for us. So make sure that we cultivate the relationship with our husband!
C. Physically- 1 Corinthians 7:3-5--"A husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise a wife to her husband. A wife does not have authority over her own body, but her husband does. Equally a husband does not have authority over his own body, but his wife does. Do not deprive one another,--except when you agree, for a time, to devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again; otherwise, Satan may tempt you because of your lack of self-control." So ladies, basically, we don't want our husbands to go somewhere else, or be tempted by someone else. And the Bible says it right here...they WILL be tempted if we deprive them. We are the ONLY ones that can have guilt-free sex with our husbands, and it is our duty to do that.
D. Spiritually- our spiritual walk is not to hinder our husbands, but to help grow and increase it. Just like the verse above ("they may be won over without a message by the way their wives live, when they observe your pure, reverent lives.") our husbands should grow in their relationship, just by watching ours.
E. Parentally- We as mothers have great influence on our children, but we should work as a team with our husbands. We should always be a united front, never undermining what our husbands do or say--especially in front of our children. Ladies, we are NOT teaching them how to be a Godly wife if we don't make our children listen to and respect their father's word and decisions. We will talk more about parenting in another post soon:)
F. Domestically- Wives bring depth and color into our homes. We are to keep it up, keep it clean, and make sure we are taking care of our home. That DOES NOT mean our husbands can't help us...but it is our duty as a wife.
G. Intellectually- We are our husband's greatest source of counsel. I believe that God gives women an intuition, a 6th sense if you will, that He does not give men. I'm not saying men are inferior, but I believe that God gave us this ability to be a helper for our husbands and family. Moms and wives just have a way of knowing things and seeing things that our husbands don't. Use it wisely ladies.
H. Ministry- If your husband is in the ministry, you are a vital part of that! Make sure you are being the wife God has called you to be so you don't hinder his ministry for the Lord.
3. Reverence: Ephesians 5:33--"The sum it up, each one of you is to love his wife as himself, and the wife is to respect her husband."
A. Definition of reverence- Respects, regards, notices, honors, prefers, venerates, esteems, praises, loves, and admires exceedingly.
B. A wife should reverence her husband and not try to change him
*Express thankfulness- men have the need to be needed and appreciated--make it evident that you are thankful for all he does and all he is
*Be satisfied despite circumstances- we all have different circumstances and lives- we must be content with what God has given us. We shouldn't worry about what others have because God can give and take away at any given moment.
*Be joyful in spite of emotions- True joy comes from our relationship with the Lord. We can not expect our husbands to provide the joy that only God can give us. Joy comes from within. When we have a true relationship with Jesus Christ, we should be joyous (remember true joy is not the same as happiness) no matter what our circumstances.
*Praise him when he does well- We should be our husbands biggest fan and loudest cheerleader. When he does something well, we should be the first to show him we are proud of him.
*Encourage him when he fails- Everyone needs an encourager, and we need to be our husbands. He should be able to come to us with failures and mistakes without fear of judgement. We need to be that person that lifts him up in prayer and in person!
REMEMBER: God has a plan for marriage and God's plan works! Love your husband as he is and Remember that you CHOSE him.
Here is a link to a list of practical ways you can show love to your husband everyday (from Faith Biblical Counseling Ministry). How to show love to your Husband
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