Duties of Parents Part 2

A couple of days ago I posted the first 7 of 15 duties of parents according to J.C. Ryle in the book The Duties of Parents which was originally written in 1888. If you didn't get to see the first post, you should definitely go back and read it as well! Here are numbers 8-15...

Proverbs 22:6, Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it." We may  not see the result of our training, but we can be sure that God keeps His promises always.

8. Train them to a habit of faith...in you and the Lord.

• We should train our children to believe what we say. We want them to be confident in our judgement and respect our decisions as better than their own. We need to teach them that when we say something is bad for them, it IS bad. Or when we say something is good for them, it IS good for them. They HAVE to trust us and know that there is a good reason for everything we say to them, even if they don't understand it.
• It is absurd to think that we keep everything a mystery to our children. There are many things that should be explained in order to show them they are reasonable and wise. But we DO NOT want them to grow up thinking that they can't trust anything we say without knowing the "why" or "how." 
• We can reason with our children at certain times, but keep in mind that they ARE children. They think like a child and must not be expected to know the reason for everything at once. 
• Unbelief is a sin that men deal with to this very day. "Unbelief in God's promises, unbelief in God's threatening, unbelief in our own sinfulness, unbelief in our own danger, unbelief in everything that runs counter to the pride and worldliness of our evil hearts." 
• We must teach our children to have implicit faith--"faith in their parents' word, confidence that what their parents say must be right."
• To do these things we MUST tell them the truth. We must not lie to our children. That doesn't mean that we explain every detail of our adult lives to them--this is a huge mistake as well. There is a fine balance in being honest and protecting their little minds from adult issues that can weigh them down. 
• If our children learn that they can not trust what we say because we don't keep our word or because we lie to them (i.e. not doing what we promise or say we will, etc.) then it will be even harder for them to believe what we tell them about the Lord, Jesus Christ. And we can not afford for them to discount that as not true. 
• The day will come when they understand and see the wisdom of all our training.

9. Train them to be obedient.

• We do not need to allow our children to argue, delay, or question our reasoning when we ask or tell them to do something. They should do what we tell them to without delay. This is a very hard concept for parents (including me) to be consistent and follow up. But it is so important.
• If we can't teach our children to obey us, how will we teach them to obey God? Children need boundaries, whether they know it or not, that is something that every child longs for. 
• There are many parents that allow their children to think and choose for themselves LONG BEFORE they are able to do that. They even make excuses for their disobedience as if it were not a thing needing to be dealt with. This is a huge disservice to our children. 
• We must teach them very young that God has a plan for parents and children, and it doesn't involve children being in charge of themselves. In the end, if we invert God's plan and don't keep our children in the order they belong, they will have a character of self-will, pride, and self-conceit. And the end result will be hard for the child and his/her parents. 

10. Train them to always tell the truth.

• Lying is an old sin. The devil was and is the father of lying. He deceived Eve long ago with a bold-faced lie, and every since the human race has struggled with it.There are very few people that we can say we put unhesitating trust in their word.
• The Bible talks about God being the Father of Truth often, which means that truth and honesty is one of God's leading features of His character. He never swerves from the straight line. He never exaggerates, leaves anything out if it doesn't benefit himself, or makes stories up to make ourselves look good. God thought it was so important He made it a commandment. God abhors lying and hypocrisy.
• We have to teach our children how God feels about lying. Teach them that at all times, "less than the truth is a lie; that evasion, excuse-making, and exaggeration are all half-way houses towards what is false, and ought to be avoided."
• We have to encourage and teach them that in any circumstance, God wants them to be straightforward, and even if it will cost them something (like punishment) they must always speak the truth.
• We need to teach them that their word is important. If they are not truthful, exaggerate, or make up stories...people will not believe what they say--even when they are telling the truth.

11. Train them to use their time wisely.

• Idleness is the devil's best friend. It is the surest way to give the devil and opportunity to do us harm.
• We need to teach our children to have their hands filled and their minds occupied with something, or their imaginations "will breed mischief."
• "Still water becomes stagnant and impure; the running, moving streams are always clear." The soul is the same; the active, moving mind is a hard mark for the devil to shoot at. We must teach our children to stay actively seeking God and using their time the way He would have them to.
• "Teach them to value time, and try to make them learn the habit of using it well."

12. Train them that over-indulgence is not good.

• It is natural for us to be tender and affectionate toward our children...and we should be, but it's the excess of this that we need to fear. We need to make sure that it doesn't make us blind to our children's faults, and deaf to all advice about them. We MUST make sure that we don't overlook bad conduct rather than deal with punishing and correcting our children...all in the name of love.
• Nothing is more painful that giving punishment to the ones we love dearly and with our whole hearts, but children CAN NOT be brought up with out correction.
• The easiest way to spoil our children is to let them have their way--to allow them to do wrong and not punish them for it. We must deal with them now...or we will most definitely deal with them later...and it is much easier and less stressful when they are young.
• Proverbs 13:24 says, "The one who will not use the rod hates his son, but he one who loves him disciplines him diligently"Proverbs 23:13-14 says, "Don't withhold correction from a youth; if you beat him with a rod, he will not die. Strike him with a rod, and you will rescue his life from Sheol (hell)." Proverbs 29:15, 17 says, "A rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a youth left to himself is a disgrace to his mother. Discipline your son, and he will give you comfort; he will also give you delight."
• God is not stuttering in these texts. There are many more that I did not put in here. It just shows how important it is to God to correct and discipline our children. 
• If we never discipline our children when they are at fault, we are doing them a grievous wrong. And we will pay for it when we are old.
• We must be careful NOT to overindulge our children. It is our responsibility to provide for their needs and real interests, but it is NOT good for us to give in to their every whim and desire.
• We must learn to say "NO" and show them that we are able to refuse whatever we think is not fit for them.Show them that you are ready to punish disobedience and that when you speak of punishment, you are not merely "threatening" but are also ready to perform. Threatening children with no follow through will lead to much trouble.
• All children have different characters and do not warrant the same punishment. What would be severe to one child may be no punishment at all to another. So just because you have two or more children, doesn't mean you have to use the same punishment with all of them...although you MUST be fair and consistent and punish them for the same behaviors.

13. Train them to remember how God trains his children.

• God is constantly pruning us and teaching us through life. He knows what is best for us and we MUST teach our children that. He knows our hearts, our weaknesses, our temptations, our wants, desires, and needs, and He orders all things for our good.
• Teach them that God sometimes says "No." There are few people who could be found that could say that God has given them EVERYTHING they have ever asked for or desired.
• Teach them that God leads us by ways that are foreign to us. He uses all sorts of trials, happiness, weakness, and mistakes to form us into the person He needs us to be.
• Teach them that while we are going through trials or hardships, we may not understand why or where we are headed, but in the end, we always see that God was wiser than us and knew what He was doing. We see the good or the growth that came from it. We need to teach our children t have that same outlook.
• Teaching our children of God's training early will help them get through life with less stress and uncertainty. 
• When our children (and adults) ALWAYS get what they want, it makes for a selfish person; and selfish, spoiled people are seldom happy.

14. Train them remembering that we influence them GREATLY.

• Our instruction, advice, and commands will be of little profit unless they are backed up with the pattern of our lives. ACTIONS SPEAK MUCH LOUDER THAN WORDS.
• We can not tell our children to do what we SAY, not what we DO. 
• To give children good instruction, and a bad example, is like trying to lead them to heaven while taking them by the hand and leading them to hell.
• We are ALWAYS influenced by those around us. God has given us the greatest opportunity to influence our children in a way that no one else can. We have to take this seriously. Children learn much more by sight than by hearing it. 
• There is NO SCHOOL that will have as much influence at we do at home. "Imitation is a far stronger principle with children than memory."
• The parent that is trying to train without showing a good example is building with one hand and tearing down with the other.

15. Train them to remember the power of sin.

• We can not expect to find our children's minds a sheet of pure white paper. We can not expect that we will have NO trouble if we only train them right. No matter how well we train our children, sin is born into us all...and they are NOT perfect. We will have trouble and conflict throughout their lives. 
• "Violent tempers, self-will, pride, envy, sullenness, passion, idleness, selfishness, deceit, cunning, falsehood, hypocrisy, a terrible aptness to learn what is bad, a painful slowness to learn what is good, a readiness to pretend anything in order to gain their own ends--all these things, or some of them, you must be prepared to see, even in your own flesh and blood."
• Sin should make us more diligent in using every means, by God's blessing, to counteract the mischief.

**Remember God's promise...Proverbs 22:6, Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it." We may  not see the result of our training, but we can be sure that God keeps His promises always.

**Continually pray for your children and ask for God's blessings on all you do!! We can not bring their names before the mercy-seat too often. We can send them to the best schools, give them Bibles, books and knowledge, but if we don't train them at home---it will do no good.