The Husband's Role in Marriage
While going through Biblical counseling training, the roles of husbands and wives was one of the most interesting things that I learned. It opened my eyes to ways that I was wrong, and ways I could improve the way I fulfill my role as a wife. Today we are going to look at the husband's role...tomorrow we will look at the wife's role. We are doing the husband's first because he is the HEAD of the HOUSEHOLD. It's not easy, and God does NOT take it lightly.
HUSBANDS DON'T GIVE UP ON ME...TOMORROW IS THE WIFE'S TURN:)
The following notes were adapted from the Faith Biblical Counseling Ministry. You can access the original ones by clicking here. It goes into much more depth than I will today. So husbands, you should check it out.
Let's talk about 3 words that describe the husband's role in marriage:
1. The husband should be a LEARNER- 1 Peter 3:7 says, "You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered. (NASB)"
*This is not a request, it is a command. One that takes time and study.
*A command to treat her as fragile, and maybe physically weaker, but never intelectually or morally inferior.
*learning affects your spiritual life. The verse says to do these things so your prayers will not be hindered. Sooo--Don't minimize the needs of your wife--her problems are your problems. You must be understanding- which also implies that you understand her. I know it seems to be a task that all men dread and fear...but understanding your wife's needs is essential to being a learner. So ask questions...pay attention (even when she doesn't think you are)...even when you don't think she deserves it! Click here for some questions to ask your wife to help you understand her better. 50 questions to ask your spouse. Now husbands, don't just give it to her to fill out. Sit down and ask her and take notes! Show her she is worth it and that you are interested!
2. The husband should be a LOVER- Ephesians 5:25 says, "Husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her...(NASB)"
*Society says "Love is a feeling"
*The Bible says love is an action-John 3:16 says, "For God so loved the world that He GAVE..." So husbands, you can't just say "I love you." You have to show your wife you love her. It takes action and a conscious effort.
*What degrees of love are we to show?
a. First- 1 John 4:19--"We love because He first loved us." If you are going to love your wife like Christ loved the church...you have to love her FIRST...even when she makes you angry and frustrated. Christ loves us no matter what we do...so we must do the same.
b. Most- Ephesians 5:25--"Husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her..." Christ gave Himself up for the church...enough said.
c. Sacrificially- Ephesians 5:25--"Husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her..." Husbands are called to love your wives sacrificially, putting her needs ahead of your own.
d. Unmistakably- 1 John 3:18--"Little children let us not love with word or with tongue, but in deed and truth."
e. In spite of her faults- Romans 5:8--"And God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Husbands, we wives are not and never will be perfect. Christ loves us all in spite of our imperfections, and He calls you to do the same. That is the only way to love your wife like Christ loves us.
f. Without bitterness- Colossians 3:19--"Husbands love your wives and do not be embittered against them." So you need to make sure that you are not harboring bitterness for past mistakes, unforgiveness for past hurts, or anger for things that have not gone the way you expected.
g. Love her as your own body- Ephesians 5:28-29--"So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church."--self explanatory:)
Here is a link to a list of ideas on how to show love your wife... Ways to show love to your wife
3. Husbands should be a LEADER- Matthew 20: 25-28--"But Jesus called them to Himself and said, "You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great men exercise authority over them. It is not this way among you, but whoever wishes to become great among you shall be your servant, and whoever wishes to be first among you shall be your slave; just as the Son of man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many."
*Leadership is not a dictatorship
*God called husbands to lead through servant hood. The test of your servant hood is how you respond when you are treated like one.
*Ways to be a "servant-leader":
a. Focus on her needs--help her--cuddle her--talk to her--if those are her needs
b. Be goal oriented-set goals for your family and help reach them
c. Set an example of control-Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger...control yourself
d. Solve problems-listen and pay attention to things that bother her...if she wants them, give advice and possible solutions. Pray with her...ask her opinion (she is your help mate) and really listen to what she has to say.
e. Be a teacher--pray with her, share family devotions and things that God has shown you in your own personal walk with the Lord.
f. Live joyfully with her-be positive, find the good things in her and your relationship, don't focus on the negative.
g. Be a spiritual leader-take your family to church, take the initiative to pray over decisions together and study your Bible together. She needs YOU to be the spiritual leader.
HUSBANDS DON'T GIVE UP ON ME...TOMORROW IS THE WIFE'S TURN:)
The following notes were adapted from the Faith Biblical Counseling Ministry. You can access the original ones by clicking here. It goes into much more depth than I will today. So husbands, you should check it out.
Let's talk about 3 words that describe the husband's role in marriage:
1. The husband should be a LEARNER- 1 Peter 3:7 says, "You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered. (NASB)"
*This is not a request, it is a command. One that takes time and study.
*A command to treat her as fragile, and maybe physically weaker, but never intelectually or morally inferior.
*learning affects your spiritual life. The verse says to do these things so your prayers will not be hindered. Sooo--Don't minimize the needs of your wife--her problems are your problems. You must be understanding- which also implies that you understand her. I know it seems to be a task that all men dread and fear...but understanding your wife's needs is essential to being a learner. So ask questions...pay attention (even when she doesn't think you are)...even when you don't think she deserves it! Click here for some questions to ask your wife to help you understand her better. 50 questions to ask your spouse. Now husbands, don't just give it to her to fill out. Sit down and ask her and take notes! Show her she is worth it and that you are interested!
2. The husband should be a LOVER- Ephesians 5:25 says, "Husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her...(NASB)"
*Society says "Love is a feeling"
*The Bible says love is an action-John 3:16 says, "For God so loved the world that He GAVE..." So husbands, you can't just say "I love you." You have to show your wife you love her. It takes action and a conscious effort.
*What degrees of love are we to show?
a. First- 1 John 4:19--"We love because He first loved us." If you are going to love your wife like Christ loved the church...you have to love her FIRST...even when she makes you angry and frustrated. Christ loves us no matter what we do...so we must do the same.
b. Most- Ephesians 5:25--"Husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her..." Christ gave Himself up for the church...enough said.
c. Sacrificially- Ephesians 5:25--"Husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her..." Husbands are called to love your wives sacrificially, putting her needs ahead of your own.
d. Unmistakably- 1 John 3:18--"Little children let us not love with word or with tongue, but in deed and truth."
e. In spite of her faults- Romans 5:8--"And God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Husbands, we wives are not and never will be perfect. Christ loves us all in spite of our imperfections, and He calls you to do the same. That is the only way to love your wife like Christ loves us.
f. Without bitterness- Colossians 3:19--"Husbands love your wives and do not be embittered against them." So you need to make sure that you are not harboring bitterness for past mistakes, unforgiveness for past hurts, or anger for things that have not gone the way you expected.
g. Love her as your own body- Ephesians 5:28-29--"So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church."--self explanatory:)
Here is a link to a list of ideas on how to show love your wife... Ways to show love to your wife
3. Husbands should be a LEADER- Matthew 20: 25-28--"But Jesus called them to Himself and said, "You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great men exercise authority over them. It is not this way among you, but whoever wishes to become great among you shall be your servant, and whoever wishes to be first among you shall be your slave; just as the Son of man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many."
*Leadership is not a dictatorship
*God called husbands to lead through servant hood. The test of your servant hood is how you respond when you are treated like one.
*Ways to be a "servant-leader":
a. Focus on her needs--help her--cuddle her--talk to her--if those are her needs
b. Be goal oriented-set goals for your family and help reach them
c. Set an example of control-Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger...control yourself
d. Solve problems-listen and pay attention to things that bother her...if she wants them, give advice and possible solutions. Pray with her...ask her opinion (she is your help mate) and really listen to what she has to say.
e. Be a teacher--pray with her, share family devotions and things that God has shown you in your own personal walk with the Lord.
f. Live joyfully with her-be positive, find the good things in her and your relationship, don't focus on the negative.
g. Be a spiritual leader-take your family to church, take the initiative to pray over decisions together and study your Bible together. She needs YOU to be the spiritual leader.
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